Title: Captain America: First Avenger
Directed by: Joe Johnston
Written by: Chris Markus and Stephen McFeely
Starring: Hugo Weaving, Chris Evans, Stanley Tucci and Hayley Atweel
Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) is a skinny guy with a big heart and an incredibly resilient jaw. In the dark boroughs of World War two he fights against the odds to get enlisted into the US army so he can do his part in defeating the Nazi scum. Armed with Jehovah’s Witness persistence and an undying spirit, chance pairs him up with a drafting and the mysterious somewhat paedophilic Dr. Abrahams Erskine (Stanley Tucci). Erskine and his bad German accent are out to create the ultimate soldier not only physically, but psychologically and mentally and with ass-kicking motor mouth general Colonel Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) they set out to find the perfect soldier for their pseudo-science experiment which will result in something comically predictable.
Steve Rogers the perfect candidate fills the role and in a matter of seconds goes from skinny wimp to Joburg Ghei Roid bunny and Captain America. But in the celebrations Erskine is shot and the mysterious formula for Captain America’s creation is lost with him. Setting Captain America on a journey to avenge his friend and doctor, but not before he prances around the USA trying to sell government bonds. But fate and a limited running time sees him travel to Europe in tandem with a bunch of other good hearted men to defeat the imminent HYDRA threat, which is headed by Red Skull the only notable performancve in this shit storm of crappiness by Hugo Weaving.
It’s crap, there’s no two ways about it, from the horrible over stated CGI, to the paper thin narrative, to the 1940’s optimism to the fact that the entire thing is void of any ambiguity to the fact that Chris Evans couldn’t play a convincing douchebage and he is one! Like the horribly average ugly girl with no personality in Biology class, this film’s got noting going for it.
I give it 1 Hoer.
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