Dolphin Smut

Title: The Cove

Directed by: Louie Psihoyos

Written by: Mark Monroe

Dolphin blood is intense! So intense that an entire bunch of yanks decided to dedicate an entire film to it! Enter “the Cove” the documentary which shows the world what really happens in the backward world of Taiji, Japan!

Enter Mega-douche Rick O’Barry –the dude who gave us smash hit Dolphin show “Flipper”- who goes around the world trying to save Dolphins. The irony of this all is that Barry was complicit in the creation of the whole Dolphin slavery industry, as the founder and pioneer of Dolphin training, Barry was one of the world’s first Douche-bags who raved about Dolphin intelligence, self awareness and smiles. Of course his mind has changed once he realizes that Dolphins have become the new prostitutes of the sea. Leading us to Taiji, Japan. The world’s largest Dolphin abattoir, Barry and friends go out of their way to try ‘show the world’ what’s happening Taiji and just how effed up the Japanese are.

It’s a whole cock-stubble of bullshit for the better part of the film, and this false dichotomy of us vs. them is created where the filmmakers denounce the actions of the Japanese not realizing that their own freakin government is complicit in this behavior.

The one really really really cool thing about this film is the narrative aspect where filmmaker –insert name- gets together a badass team of Dolphin-thieves/Tools who get together to try and film the entire event. It’s real fuckin gangster, they use all this intense infra-red cameras and heat seeking night-vision sensors, it has an air of espionage to it which makes the entire carousel of baggage bearable.

It’s really entertaining and uses a whole number of conventions which actually allow for the deconstruction of the filmmaking process which enlightens one greatly about just how difficult this film was to make. However my biggest pet-hate about this film was that we never really get to hear the Japanese argument for whaling. Instead its just sensitive nipple American this and sensitive nipples that, making you feel like the Japanese should be nuked again. Its propaganda in its most technologically precise and sexy form and a damn shame they don’t throw in any Dolphin sex or it would just be divine.

I give 8 Hoers, because that’s how many it needed to show to keep me glued to my cinema seat.

Fetal balling!

Roy “Sappi” Mathieu Borole