Iron Man 2

Title: Iron Man 2

Director: Jon Favreau

Written By: Justin Theroux

Starring: Scarlet Johanssen, Don Cheadle, Robert Downey Jr. Mickey Rourke and Gwyneth Paltrow

Tony Stark, Tony Stark? Tony Stark! My Man! If you told Tony Stark to shit gold he’d pull out a diamond encrusted platinum chain from his buttcheeks. The man’s a boy god, who can do everything except stop smelling the tinge of his own excrement. Iron Man 2 catches up with Stark after he saved the world. The world is safe now, apparently and all thanks to Tony Stark. Until Mickey Rourcke in the shape of Ivan Danko enters the frame and makes every single actor in Hollywood look hopelessly mediocre. Danko is a Russian physicist whose out to destroy Stark after Stark’s father destroyed his father. Stark’s life is only further complicated by Danko after he learns that his Iron man suit is actually killing him. Stark is then further inconvenienced by the National Guard who see fit to it to impound he Iron Man suit as they see it to be dangerous and unfit for civilian use. In other words, Stark’s living la vida loca except he’s stinking filth rich which means that like all rich people he has to create problems for himself.

To be honest with you there’s not much more to this film, outside of Downey Jr. and Cheadle almost making out, Scarlett Johanssen giving more wood than the Amazon and Mickey Rourke just being so effing Mickey Rourke and proving that he deserved the Oscar in 09. Outside of that Sam Rockwell makes a few memorable cameos as James Hammer, Samuel L. Jackson gives a shout out and Gwyneth Paltrow reminds us of why we should be afraid of Menopause.

It’s your regular run of the mill blockbuster action flick, except with heightened tones of blatant American patriotism and cultural imperialism as Stark so boldly claims “I keep the world safe” and his I of course refers to the United States of America. Outside of that it’s half decent, but average.

I give it 5 Hoers

The Totem pole ain’t tall enough.