Title: Sherlock Holmes
Director: Guy Ritchie
Release Date: 08-12-2009
I remember the first-time I saw Snatch, my friends and I all decided that we’d go to school the next week and find the fattest blackest child we could and name him Tyrone and ensure that he get a drivers license illegally, so that he’s be shit at driving and then give him an English accent and then we’d name him Tyrone and whenever he did anything remotely retarded we’d be like “Tyrell what ‘ave you done?”. It was precocious but fuck did it seem like a good idea, that Guy Ritchie circa Snatch (2000) he was a visionary an Autuer, fuck I was pretty sure guy Ritchie was responsible for 90% of sewerage complaints in the London area as I was sure he shat bullets out his ass, the man was a demi-god, a general bad mother. Then he married Madonna and well that walking VD-factory managed to poison all the awesomeness out of him and he gave us that fuckin horrid flick Swept Away and then Revolver which was a lot like the time I caught my uncle rubbing vanilla ice-cream on his genitals. We’re not gonna talk about it! and then RocknRolla which was a lot like bad head, average but you’d rather have it than not have it.
So now here it is Sherlock Holmes, It seems like a piece of shit to me personally but then again we’re holding out that the parting from the Succubus Madge has managed to give good ol’ Popeye Ritchie back the spunk that made him and Mike Tyson some of the baddest men alive. It’s hard to fail, but we’re not talking about failing here we’re talking about taking names and Sodomy, which he achieved with “Lock, Stock and two smoking barrels”. So join me on the 8th of January outside of Cavendish Ster Kinekor and find out if the dreams of Mathieu’s sister come true and maybe I can go find my Tyrone in the hordes of West Africans which now inhabit our country and make pimps look stylish.
Borole Out! Of the Closet!
Lesbians are real.
No comments:
Post a Comment